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So tonight I had what can only be described as a mini breakdown. There were tears, a bit of swearing and a lot of head holding. My husband had to listen to ‘I’m such a bad mother’, ‘I’m feeling so lost’ blah blah blah. Language was slightly fruitier too but felt no need for explicits here.

Rewind 5 minutes earlier...Work has been a bit stressful of late, so I was feeling like a pressure cooker, long before getting home to the thousands of questions that a 9 and 5yr old can muster up in the space of 20 minutes! I answer said questions with gritted teeth, whilst clock watching for their bedtime (guilt kicking in) and then the dog wees on the carpet! Unsurprisingly when i get to chat to my husband for the first time this evening, I cry. He passes me a peace of kitchen roll to clean up my now black eyes from smudged mascara.

I’ve come to realise that this emotional event occurs every few months. A rollercoaster that all working mums (and dads) can relate to. Disguised subconsciously as going through a rut in work, the constant guilt of not having enough time for your children is a regular thought process for pretty much all my parent friends and colleagues. I don’t help myself I have to admit. I’m a committee member of my local hockey club (as well as play it twice a week), studying towards my AAT level 4, drop offs at extra curricular clubs 5 times a week, pretty healthy social life, as well as attempting to be a good wife and mother! This is whilst upholding my 34 hour job here at Service Care. Thank goodness that I’m blessed with an employer who is flexible and understanding when it comes to juggling working motherhood.

So at what point do I say enough is enough? Should there be a point when I do? Why shouldn’t I live my life at 100 miles an hour? Can working parents really have it all?! There are still a lot of murmurs and whisperings in society that would suggest you can’t and shouldn’t attempt to have it all. Women have babies and then should take a step back etc. Should I feel guilty for wanting to ‘better’ myself academically and professionally? I don’t think so.

When all is said and done, and my tears have been wiped away, I remember that my family are a happy bunch. I hope my children understand and appreciate our busy lives one day and hope that I inspire and motivate them to work hard.

Now someone pass me the wine......
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